


5 Nights, 1 Day

by cobalt_rose



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26354740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobalt_rose/pseuds/cobalt_rose
Summary: He's had to relive the same nightmare every single night. Every night, he tries desperately to escape the nightmare with a boy who's face he can never see, who's voice he can never quite place. Every night, the boy dies. Every night, he fails.Now, he's reliving it again, but this time, it's not a dream. This time it's real, and instead of the faceless boy he's been running alongside for so long now, this time he's running with the boy he loves the most.*please read the notes*
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	5 Nights, 1 Day

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ: I wanted to specify about the 'graphic depictions of violence' warning. So technically, I don't know if that's really the best warning to use, really it would be better if I could use a blood warning.
> 
> WARNING: MANY MENTIONS OF BLOOD
> 
> I highly do not recommend reading this if you are sensitive to blood. Like seriously. So maybe graphic depictions of violence isn't exactly the best way to put it, but it's the best I can do. Serious blood warning, the violence probably isn't too bad, but SERIOUS blood warning.
> 
> If you are okay with this, then by all means, read on.
> 
> (Also this is not edited like, at all, so just be warned. Might go back and edit later when it's not 3 am, who knows.)

Night 1

I feel a faint throbbing from somewhere. I try to open my eyes, but the bright lights make me slam them closed again. My ears are ringing, and my entire body aches. Slowly, the ringing gives way to distant shouting, and then, a single voice, right in front of me, calling me, begging me to open my eyes. I do so slowly this time, allowing my sight to adjust to the bright lights before I open them all the way, the world finally coming into focus. The first thing I see is the owner of the voice, a boy, leaning over me. I frown, realizing his face is still blurred, and I can’t make out their features. His voice is familiar, but I can’t place it. When he sees me open my eyes, he sighs in relief.

“Thank God,” he says, leaning back and helping me sit up, “You’re alright. I thought I might have to carry you out of here.” There’s a question on the tip of my tongue, desperate to ask him who he is, and what he means, and where we are. He helps me stand and then pulls me forward, down the apparent hallway that I was laying in, “Come on. We have to hurry, before they catch up. We’ll make it, I promise. We’ll get out of here.” The boy pulls me forward again, and then we break into a run. My memory is blurred, but somehow, this seems familiar. Somehow, I remember what’s going on. We’re trapped. We have to escape. They’re trying to stop us. We have to run quickly to the exit. I passed out. How did I pass out? What happened?

We weave through the bright white halls in a rush. The boy is leading me, I can only hope he knows where the exit is, because I don’t. I hear the shouts behind us. Sometimes they sound like they’re right on top of us, crushing us, dragging us back into the whiteness. When I imagine danger, I never picture it to be so bright, so white. I picture it to be a dark hole, endless and unwelcoming. But in this story, the white is the evil, the one that lures you into it with false promise of protection and warmth, only for you to turn around and realize you’ve been trapped. Back in the white void, the deafening yells of the ones who trapped us echo dangerously close, threatening to be upon us at any moment.

And then, we’re right there. We turn a corner, and suddenly I can see it, a pair of doors at the end of the hallway, natural sunlight shining through them, welcoming us. I hear the excitement, the hope in the boy’s voice as his blurred face turns back to me, exclaiming, “We’re almost there!” And then, we stumble. Suddenly, there’s a searing pain in my neck, forcing me to drop to the ground, my hand slipping out of the boy’s grasp as he too falls in front of me, his head lolling to the side before slamming onto the ground.

I hit the ground a little lighter, my vision blurring again as I see the red liquid begin to pool from under his head, flowing quickly towards me, trying to swallow me. A blood curdling scream fills my ears. It takes a moment to realize that it’s my own. I take one last glance at the doors, right there, begging me to drag myself just a little further, to collapse into its safe embrace. I try to drag myself closer, but my arms collapse. The last thing I see before losing consciousness again is the boy’s lifeless eyes coming into focus, staring into my own, a reminder that I failed us again.

* * *

I gasp awake, feeling the weight of my bed sheets on top of me, a little too warm. I take several gasping breaths, staring into the darkness, sighing gratefully in it’s safe embrace. It’s a wonderful contrast to the evil white of the halls in my dream, the same exact dream that I’ve had over and over again, every single night, for almost two months now. Everything about the dream is the same, down to the last detail. The boy’s words, his blurred face, us running through the halls, almost making it out, only to be shot down right in front of the exit. That last sight of his dead eyes staring at me, a warning, but of what I don’t know. It’s been the same every time, and I’m scared at this point that the dream will never go away. I check the time and realize my alarm will go off any minute, so I shake the images of the nightmare out of my head and get up to start getting ready.  _ It’s just a dream. It’s not real _ .

After getting dressed, I go downstairs to find breakfast. My mother is sitting at the table drinking coffee, watching the news on the TV in the living room. I greet her tiredly, and she nods in acknowledgement, too engrossed in whatever they’re talking about to give further greeting. I pull a box of cereal from the cabinet and find that there’s barely enough left for one bowl. “We need cereal,” I say to the boy behind me. I don’t have to look to know he’s there. Yeonjun walks next to me and opens another cabinet to grab a glass for water, sighing, “Laundry detergent too. And probably a lot of other things. Tell you what, let’s make a list and then we can stop by the store later. Sound good?” I nod, smiling. We eat breakfast in silence, the woman at the end of the table that we call our mother never once turning to look at us.

Yeonjun and I leave the house together, walking along the side of the road since there’s no sidewalk in this area. Yeonjun tells me jokes and stories just like always, cheering me up before I really have to start the day. We reach the final crossroad before my school, and then we separate, waving goodbye, Yeonjun promising to see me again later, before turning to continue on to his own school. I turn back forward, walking up the front steps of mine. The dull hallways filled with tired teenagers would normally make me feel immediately more down, but today not even the bad moods of the other students can bring down my own. I go to my locker just like always, praying for today to be a fast day.

Unfortunately, the day drags on, every dull, routine moment feeling even more boring. By the time the final bell rings, I rush to my locker in exhaustion, quickly shoving everything into my bag, making sure I have everything before closing it. I stand again and sigh in relief, thankful that I don’t have to come back to this place again. I’ve been desperate wanting to transfer to Yeonjun’s private school since my freshman year, but my mother finally begrudgingly agreed about a month into this year, my junior year, when the last of my friends moved to Seoul. Now I’m walking out of here for the last time, feeling refreshed, when I’m stopped by a rough hand on my shoulder. I sigh as I turn around, wishing I didn’t have to deal with something like this on my way out for good. I raise an unamused brow at pair of tall boys snickering in front of me, pretending to check the time on the watch that I don’t have.

The bigger one smirks, “What are you in a hurry for, Tiny? Got a date or something?” I roll my eyes, “Yeah, with my brother, thank you very much.” I try to turn again, but he grabs my shoulder once more, “Not so fast. What makes you think you can leave just like that?” I shrug, “I don’t know, maybe the fact that I never have to see you again is motivating me to go faster. Or maybe I just don’t care.” I move again. The other tries to block my way, but I swerve around him, giving him a small shock as I pass by. He yelps in surprise and jumps back, glaring at me, a little confused. I just smile sweetly before turning around and hurrying over to where Yeonjun is watching, looking mildly amused. I grin at him, “I made a list. Let’s go.”

He chuckles, “Well, someone is oddly excited today.” I sigh happily, “ _ Of course _ I am, I never have to come back here again!” He shakes his head and we begin walking, heading in the direction of our house, “You know, you should be more careful.” I don’t have to ask to know what he means. I give him a look, as if to say, “but will you really stop me?  _ Can _ you really stop me?” He shakes his head again, “I suppose not, but just, please, take care of yourself. You know that I worry.” “Aw,” I deadpan, “You care.” He laughs, then switches the subject, “So I take it you’re excited to start at my school tomorrow?” I nod joyfully. We go on chatting about it all the way to the grocery store, and once we have everything we need, we head home.

The house is empty when we get there, just like it usually is, since out mother doesn’t get out of work until 9. Yeonjun tells me he plans to just order pizza for dinner, and I agree, before sitting down on the couch. Since I don’t have any homework to do today, I turn on the TV and find some old show to entertain myself with. The evening goes on like normal, but I feel more relaxed, more prepared for the following day to come. By the time I go to bed, there’s a small, content smile on my face.

* * *

Night 2

My mind is buzzing, that’s the first sensation that fills my body when I awake. The ringing in my ear and the ache in by body seem familiar, but I can’t place it. I try to open my eyes but am blinded by bright white lights. The ringing pans out a little, allowing the sounds of yelling to come to my ears. I make out a friendly voice among them, nearby, seemingly calling out to me. I recognize the voice, but I can’t place it either. I try again to open my eyes more slowly, and gradually my surroundings come into focus, all but the blurred face of the boy in front of me. He sounds relieved upon seeing me awake, helping me to sit up as he speaks, “Thank God, you’re alright. I thought I might have to carry you out of here.”

I feel the urge to ask him what’s going on, but I don’t. Somehow, I realize it on my own, even though I don’t remember this scenario. Or maybe I do, it seems rather familiar, but like the ringing and aching sensations, or the boy’s kind, calming voice, I can’t seem to figure out why. He pulls me to my feet, gently, but still with a sense of urgency. “Come on,” he says, pulling me forward, “We have to hurry, before they catch up. We’ll make it, I promise. We’ll get out of here.” We start running down the too bright hallway. Something about his promise sounds empty. I know he means what he says, and I want to believe him, but something is wrong. Even though it seems like we’ll make it, something is telling me we won’t.

We rush through the hallways, seemingly in a maze, but the path is one that I remember. Somehow, with each corner we turn, even though we’re met with more endless white, my mind says we’re going the right way. Finally, we turn a corner, and there, at the end of the long hallway, is the doors, the ones that lead us outside, into the beautiful sunlight. I can make out trees through the glass. I gasp in excitement. The boy turns back to me, sounding hopeful as he cries, “We’re almost there!” Yet suddenly, almost like I knew it was going to happen, I already anticipated the sudden burn in my neck, the feeling of falling to the ground in pain. The sight of the boy in front of me tumbling down harder, the sound of his head the ground so hard a crack rings out, of my own scream seeing the blood flowing toward me.

The feeling of failing, of trying desperately to drag myself closer. And finally, the sight of the boy’s eyes, coming into focus at the last moment before I lose consciousness, staring lifelessly into mine, one last reminder that I’ve failed yet again to save us, before I startle awake again, just like every other morning. I hate my mind for never letting me escape this made up nightmare, save this faceless boy, who is too sweet to relive his own death the same way every night with me. But mostly, I hate myself for feeling like I’ve failed every single time, failed to escape a made up place, created by my own fears, failed to save this boy who doesn’t exist, failed to end this constant nightmare that plagues me every time I go to sleep at night.

My alarm rings out in the darkness as I continue to lay there, wishing desperately to get some real sleep for once, before my eyes fly open, recalling excitedly what today is. Today is the first day that I’ll be going to Yeonjun’s school instead of my own. I get dressed quickly and rush down the stairs happily. Yeonjun is already down there, placing a plate of pancakes on the table, laughing at my cheerful greeting. I look around, “Where’s Mom?” Yeonjun sits down across from me, putting a pancake on his own plate, “She texted me late last night and said she’s going to spend the week at Aunt Minji’s house. She left more money for food on top of the fridge.” “Oh,” I say, frowning a little at my plate. He looks up at me and softens, smiling gently, “Hey, Gyu, don’t worry too much about it. We’ll be fine, alright?” I smile back and nod.

We walk to school like normal, but today is different. Instead of separating at the crossroad, I continue on with my brother, practically bouncing up and down at this point. He laughs at my excitement and leads me into the new place. I stare around in awe as he takes me to the main office. I go through all of my classes, trying to hide my excitement as best as possible, and then at lunch, Yeonjun takes me to the cafeteria, leading me towards a table with three people sitting at it. Two of them are bickering, though over what, I don’t know. The third is sitting unbothered next to one of them, reading a book. Yeonjun calls to them as we approach and they all look up at us. I feel nervous all of a sudden, with all the eyes on me. Luckily, Yeonjun introduces me, “Guys, this is my little brother, Beomgyu.”

One of them, the one sitting on the side closest to us, rolls his eyes, “Hyung, what do you mean, little? He’s like the same size as you!” I laugh as my brother scowls at him, “Shut up. Anyways, Gyu, this is Kai, Taehyun, and Soobin.” Kai, the one who said it, waves at me wildly. The one across the table from him, Taehyun, glares at him, practically throwing himself onto the table to wack Kai in the back of the head. “Ow!” the boy whines, glaring at Taehyun, “What was that for?” Taehyun rolls his eyes, “You’re going to scare him away if you keep throwing your arms around like that, you idiot.” Kai pouts, but before he can retort, Yeonjun interrupts him, “Stop arguing for fuck’s sake. Lord, I hate you both. Thank God Soobin is actually fucking normal.”

Said boy glaces up from where he’s already returned to his book, still seeming completely unbothered by the two bickering next to him. We sit down, Yeonjun next to Kai, and me next to my brother. Soobin turns to look at me, and I’m a little intimidating by his gaze, impossible to read, but then he smiles kindly at me, and I smile back, feeling warmer. Yeonjun spends the lunch period trying to prevent Taehyun from murdering Kai, and I come to realize this is probably a routine thing. Once Soobin puts his attention back in his book, he doesn’t look back up again until Taehyun taps him on the shoulder, informing him that lunch is over.   
  


By the time the school day ends, my cheeks hurt from grinning so much, and my throat hurts from having to introduce myself so many times, but still, I’m happy. Happy to be in this place with my brother, and happy to meet his friends. Kai suggests we all visit the little ice cream place across the street. Yeonjun waves, “You guys go on without me, I think I need a nap. Gyu, are you coming?” Kai throws an arm around my shoulder, “Oh, he’ll be fine with us, don’t worry Hyung.’ Yeonjun looks at him skeptically, but I nod to tell him it’s okay, so with one last glance, he leaves. Kai pulls me across the street, forgetting to check first and almost getting us both hit by a car. Taehyun scolds him as we enter the place.

I observe the small shop. There’s not too many people here, but it’s so small that I still feel crowded. The counter is covered in labels, telling me all about the different flavors, making it nearly impossible for me to choose. My attention is drawn back to the others when Kai calls us, “Hey, how about we play rock paper scissors, loser pays for everyone’s ice cream!” Taehyun rolls his eyes in annoyance, “Do you ever have any ideas that aren’t stupid?” Kai tries to hit his shoulder, but Taehyun moves away before he can, speaking again, “Plus, are you really gonna make Beomgyu pay for your ice cream if he loses?” He shrugs, “Alright, he doesn’t have to play, but the rest of us!” Taehyun sighs, “Are you prepared to pay yourself if you lose?” Kai nods, making Taehyun finally give in and agree.

Soobin doesn’t seem to have any argument of his own, he simply puts his hand forward, ready to play. In the end, Kai does lose, and sighs sadly, “This is what I get, I suppose.” Taehyun nods. One by one, we each give the girl behind the counter our orders, until only me and Soobin are left. He gestures for me to go first. I step forward and tell her what I want, and then step back, while she looks to Soobin for his order. He only says, “Same thing as him,” and gestures lightly to me, before stepping back to let Kai pay, but those few words, make me feel something, a sense of familiarity. There’s something in his voice that I almost recognize, but I don’t know what. I’m distracted a moment later when Kai speaks, “Damn, you guys are expensive.” Taehyun shrugs, “Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad if you were just paying for your own. But  _ no _ , you had to make a game out of it, and then you lost.”

Kai only shrugs in response, and we sit down at a table in the corner with our ice cream. Taehyun and Kai take this time to ask me all about myself, while Soobin sits quietly, eating his ice cream. Listening but not participating. By the time I head home, it’s getting a bit late. Yeonjun is already awake again, smiling at me in greeting as he cuts up the freshly cooked chicken, “Dinner’s almost ready.” We eat in comfortable silence, and I decide to go to bed early, feeling a bit drained from the eventful day. Still, I don’t feel unhappy, even as I begin to drift off to the place I hate to go to.

* * *

Night 3

There it is, that familiar feeling, that light, buzzing, throbbing sensation. It’s dull at first, then turns to a painful ache. I expect my ears to ring, but instead, the sound comes crashing down onto me all at once, the shouting, the alarms, the boy calling to me. I anticipate the light this time, covering my eyes a little as I open them, only putting my arm back down once they’ve fully adjusted. The boy leans back, letting me sit up on my own, watching as I look around. His features are blurred, for some reason, but I can make out his gentle smile. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he says, but something about if seems odd to me, “I thought you were dead for a second.” I can hear both the worry and fear laced in his words.  _ Where am I? _

He stands, helping me up, “Let’s go. You were only out for a minute, but that’s enough time that they might catch us. We’ll make it out though, I promise.” His words spark memories in my mind, and as we begin to run, I gasp, suddenly realizing where I am. The dream, it’s this dream. “Wait,” I say, tugging his hand to stop him, but the boy persists, “We have to keep going, come on.” I try to push down the thud of terror in my heart as we run through the white hallways, knowing this is just a dream. But I know how it ends. The feeling of pain in my neck, the sight of the boy’s life draining away in front of me, even though I know this is just a dream, it always feels so real. Everything seems so real, and for a fleeting moment, I’m scared that this is reality, but then I push that fear down, because  _ no _ , this isn’t reality, it can’t be.

My point is proven when, like routine, the door to outside appears around the corner, the bright sunlight calling us forward. Even though I know right now that I’m dreaming, I feel the urge even stronger to make it out. I pick up my pace despite realizing for the first time since I started having these dreams that my body isn’t in good condition. The boy is starting to lag a little, and now I’m the one pulling him along. We’re almost there, I can feel it, we’re closer than we’ve ever gotten. But then there’s a scream of pain behind me, and the boy’s hand grasps mine tighter, pulling me down to the ground with him.

I make the mistake of looking back as I fall, but the sight is sickening. He hits the ground first, his head slamming even harder than it ever has. Then I land too, practically on top of him, but I can’t scream, not when he already has. There it is, for a fleeting moment, his lifeless eyes come into focus, as I stare down at him, the blood pooling around his head. This time, I don’t lose consciousness. This time, I feel the hands grab my arms and drag me away from his body. This time, instead of the pain in my neck, I see the large metal rod, swinging into my vision, seconds before it goes black.

* * *

This time, I scream when I wake up. I practically throw myself into a sitting position, my fingers digging into my blanket. I breathe heavily into the darkness, running a shaky hand through my hair. I hear a noise outside my door, and a moment later it opens slowly, revealing Yeonjun’s tired but worried face. “Are you okay?” I take a few more moments to slow down my heart rate, nodding a little. His expression softens, and he speaks a little more gently, “Nightmare?” I nod again, and try my voice for the first time, “Yeah. I’m fine, don’t worry.” My voice sounds almost as rough as I feel. He looks skeptical, but simply nods and bids me goodnight, closing the door. I fall back onto the bed checking the time. It’s only 5 am. Since today is Saturday, I don’t have to go to school.

I’d like to go back to bed, but the images of my dream ring clearly. For the first time in the past two months, this dream I’ve been having, that’s been plaguing my nights, changed. The words the boy spoke to me were different, the sensations were different. For the first time, I actually realized that I was dreaming. And then, we almost made it, we got closer. But we didn’t make it. I still failed. The boy still died. And me, what happened to me? What would I see, if the dream went on for longer?

I try to go back to sleep, but the images from last night’s dream are haunting me, so instead I pull out my old box of wires and small metal blocks and begin to mess around with them like I used to. The little trinkets kept me distracted, but also helped me understand better what I could do. Even now, I don’t understand it. I turn on my desk lamp and arrange the metal blocks in a familiar pattern, stringing the wires between them. I spend several hours moving the blocks and wires around and testing new arrangements. I’m so focused on my task that I don’t even notice the sun rising, and along with it, my brother’s knocking. I don’t notice, not until there’s a hand on my shoulder. I startle, yelping, and sparks fly up from the wires into the air. My desk lamp short circuits and all but blows up, causing me stand and knock over my chair.

I stare down at it, wide-eyed and frustrated. I look up at Yeonjun in distress, and he meets my gaze with worry, squeezing my shoulder, “I came to ask if you were feeling better, but I guess not.” I shake my head slowly, bending down to pick up my chair. I carefully place the wires and blocks back in the box, and then shove it into the bottom drawer of my desk that I got it from. After deciding that my lamp is unfixable, I unplug it and pick it up, ready to carry it to the trash. Yeonjun watches me silently, before speaking up, “I made breakfast. Come on.” I follow him downstairs, and once I’ve placed the doomed lamp into the trash, he sits me down at the table and places some eggs onto my plate. We’re silent at first, but then he speaks, “The others wanted to go check out the fair downtown today. I was going to ask if you wanted to go, but-” “No,” I interrupt, “I’ll go.” He looks at me, clearly worried, “Are you sure?” I nod, smiling a little.  _ At least it’ll help me clear my head _ .

After breakfast we get dressed, and then leave together. Instead of walking in the direction of school, we turn and walk the opposite way. It takes us about a half an hour to get there, and we spend the walk in a strange silence. I can tell Yeonjun wants to prod about what’s wrong. But I’m yet to tell him about my dreams, and I’m worried that if I do, he’ll think I’m crazy. When we arrive, the others are already there. Taehyun is chasing Kai in a small circle, and I almost laugh a little, wondering what Kai did this time to upset Taehyun. Soobin is standing a little off from them, looking a bit bored. He spots us first, smiling warmly and waving a little. “Yah,” Yeonjun yells at Taehyun and Kai, catching their attention, “Would you two stop flirting for like two seconds so we can get our tickets? I mean, for fuck’s sake, once we get in you can run off on your own, but right now can you at least just  _ not _ do that?”

Taehyun looks ready to murder my brother, while Kai just looks confused. “What are you talking about Hyung?” the youngest says, not even feigning ignorance. When we get close enough, Taehyun hits Yeonjun’s shoulder, making my brother glare at him. “What did you mean by that, Hyung?” Taehyun asks, sounding eerily calm. Yeonjun shrugs, grinning, “I mean that if you two are going to flirt all the time, can you at  _ least _ not do it when I’m around?” Soobin must be able to sense the scene that’s about to unfold, because he suddenly grabs my arm and pulls me to the side with him out of the line of fire. We watch silently as Taehyun starts yelling at Yeonjun. Kai still looks lost.

Eventually Taehyun gives up and falls to the back of the group to brood silently as we get our tickets. Once we’re inside, we start wandering around together, but eventually, Yeonjun tells us he’s going to get himself something to eat and will meet up with us again later. We carry on, until Kai spies some large stuffed animal hanging from a game booth and drags away a grumpy Taehyun to help him win it, leaving me alone with Soobin. I’m nervous, and prepared to offer that we split up if he would prefer to be alone, but he speak up first, “Do you want to ride something?” Taken aback, I take a moment to answer, “I-I don’t know. Anything is fine by me.” He raises an eyebrow, but then grabs my hand and pulls me toward a game booth. It’s one of those games with the clown and the balloon.

Soobin offers for us both to play, but I choose to watch him, never really having understood these games. Of course, he’s amazing at it, winning the first time, awing even the man working there. We play a few more games, Soobin somehow winning every single one. “I swear,” I say, watching him take the tiny stuffed frog from the man after winning yet another game that I just can’t seem to get the hang of, “You must be a god or something.” He laughs, “Not really. I came here a lot when I was little, so I’ve played these games plenty of times. Won a lot of prizes too.” I whine, “I wish I could win at least  _ one _ . I suck at these.” “I could win you something,” he offers, but I decline immediately, sighing, “No, it’s fine. I’ll get it eventually.” He watches me in amusement as I make several more failed attempts at one of the games, before putting an arm out to stop me from trying again.

I look at him in confusion, but he only hands the worker his own money and then takes his turn, winning the game without a flaw. I stare in awe at him as he takes the giant stuffed bear the worker gives him and holds it out to me. I widen my eyes, taking it, and gasping at how soft it is. I hold the large bear close to my chest, shoving my face into its soft fur. Soobin laughs at me, and I look up at him, grinning from ear to ear, “Thank you!” He nods, “Of course. I don’t mind. Plus your reaction was really cute.” I pout a little, making him laugh again. We continue to walk through the place, me with the giant bear held tightly in my arms. Eventually Yeonjun texts me telling me to meet him at the Ferris wheel. When we arrive, my brother is already there waiting for us, watching in annoyance as Taehyun and Kai argue yet again.

The moment Yeonjun spots us, he waves us over desperately, probably not wanting to be alone with the pair for even a moment longer. We all stuff ourselves into one car, chatting together as we go around. Eventually, we have to leave. Yeonjun and I bid the others goodbye and then start walking home. The bear is still in my arms, and Yeonjun pokes it, “Finally got good at carnival games, huh?” He laughs as I swat his hand away. I huff, “No, I still suck. Soobin Hyung won this for me.” My brother gives me a look, ‘Did he now?” I nod, bouncing along ahead of him, calling back, “Come on, let’s order pizza for dinner!” He laughs, running to catch up to me.

* * *

Night 4

This time, the first thing that greets me is neither the feeling of pain in my brain, nor the ringing in my ears, nor the blinding white lights above me. This time, the first thing that greets me is the suffocation smell of smoke. The second is the awful taste of blood. Somehow, I know to open my eyes slowly. My hearing comes back easily, the shouting and alarms quickly deafening me. The faceless boy in front of me has only just had time to crouch down in front of me, to start calling my name, when I sit up on my own. Instead of sitting back though, he throws his arms around me. I widen my eyes in surprise. This doesn’t seem right, though I can’t figure out why, not until he pulls back and speaks, “Jesus, Gyu, I really thought I lost you for a second. I’m glad you’re okay.”

It comes to me, that it’s a dream.  _ The _ dream. But this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. The boy has never hugged me. He’s never called me by my name before. Something about it scares me even more, makes the nightmare seem more real. Like routine, he pulls me up urging me forward, “Come on, if we hurry we can make it.” He tries to pull me forward, but I hold him back, “Wait, but what if we don’t? What if they catch us?” He comes closer to me, cupping my face in his hands. For the first time, I realize that they’re covered in blood. Why? “Gyu, look at me.” I try, but his face is still blurry. “Gyu, I promise to you that we will get out of here. I don’t care what it takes, I’ll make sure you’re safe, okay?”

I don’t believe him. I know how this dream ends, without a doubt. Still, I nod and let him pull me forward again. We run desperately down the hallways, just like always, but this time, the boy is holding my hand tighter, and I feel warmer, more hopeful than ever. We run the same maze, the same pathways, desperately trying to escape. And true as ever, we round the final corner and the door is there, looking welcoming, begging us to rush out and escape into nature’s safe grasp. Determined, I push forward, finding myself running in front of the boy yet again. I can hear his heavy panting, he’s losing energy, falling behind. Because of the blood, his hand is slowly slipping from mine. I grip it tighter, “We’re almost there, look!”

This time, we make it to the doors. I slam into them, expecting them to open, but instead my shoulder is sore, and the doors don’t budge. “No!” I cry, desperately banging on the doors, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. We’re so close. I turn to look at the boy and freeze. Before me, his body sways. I try to catch it, but he’s too heavy. Still, I slow his fall enough that his head doesn’t hit the ground as hard as it usually does. The blood doesn’t pool from underneath him this time. I try to lean down and pull him up, but a harsh blow to the back of my head sends me flying out of this awful white world, and into my own safe darkness, thrashing in my sheets in the night. I gasp desperately for air that I’m not sure I have.

As I finally begin to calm down, I glance again at the clock. It’s 5 am again, but now it’s Sunday. I sigh, thankful that I don’t have to go to school after something like that. I try my hardest to go back to sleep, but the images plague me yet again. Somehow, my dreams are beginning to feel more and more like a reality, one that I don’t want. I’m beginning to be able to use all my senses, realize what’s happening sooner. I can react faster, and somehow, the boy seems kinder this time. He called me by my name, held my face gently, tried harder to keep me with him. I also remember the blood on his hands. The blood that couldn’t have been there before, I would have noticed it. And his promise to me, promise to escape, it felt realer, more reachable this time. And this time, I had more hope myself. We were there, we reached the door.

But it wasn’t enough. It was the wrong door. We’ve been trying for so long to reach the door, but it’s the wrong door. I should have known, the doors showing promise of light. But the light isn’t safe, I should have learned that by now. It’s the darkness that brings me warmth, comfort, that holds me safely and protects me from danger. Yet, all this time, I’ve been running away from the darkness, towards the light, thinking it would welcome me. Instead, it brought me nothing but false hope, promise of safety it couldn’t- or wouldn’t- provide. But now, now I know what I need to do. More determined than ever, I close my eyes, ready for the dangerous light to pull me back into the dream, ready to finally escape.

But the darkness has decided that I’ve had enough for tonight. Instead of falling into the dream, I slip into a deep, dreamless sleep, the first I’ve had in such a long time. By the time I wake up, I should feel refreshed, but I’m nothing but anxious, desperate to return and finally win. For the first time, I really want to return to the dream world and fight this demon again. Alas, the day seems to drag on forever. At breakfast, Yeonjun informs me that he’s going into the city to visit our aunt, and speak to our mother. He tells me that she won’t answer his calls or texts, and that he’s worried something is wrong. It’s wrong, I know. She should have been taking care of us, yet all this time, my whole life it seems like, Yeonjun’s been the one to take care of her, and me at the same time.

The bus ride to the city is a long one, and Yeonjun doesn’t know how long he’ll be there, so he tells me he’ll probably stay the night there and come home by tomorrow night. After making sure I have money to get myself dinner and that I’ll have my phone with me the whole time just in case, he finally sets out, promising to be back before dinner time tomorrow. I spend a while watching TV, make myself a sandwich for lunch and eat it alone in the quiet house. I’m relatively bored by the time I finish cleaning up from my meal, and I prepare to collapse onto the couch in a food coma, but then the doorbell rings. When I open it, Soobin’s soft, warm smile is shining down at me. I smile back but say, “Yeonjun Hyung isn’t here.”

He laughs, “I know that. He asked me to check on you. Can I come in?” I widen my eyes, but quickly step out of the way to allow him inside. He takes in the living room, and it occurs to me that he’s never been to our house before. As I close the front door he turns back to me, grinning mischievously, “Locking me in?” I roll my eyes, but smile anyway, “Nope, feel free to run away the moment you get sick of my presence.” He laughs again, and I can’t help but notice how angelic his laughter it, how beautiful he looks when he laughs. I invite him to watch something with me. We find a series on Netflix and begin to work our way through it throughout the afternoon. I’m practically exhausted by the time Soobin suggests we pause to get dinner. We order takeout, and chat animatedly as we eat.

We return to the series afterwards, but I’m barely staying awake now. The sun has gone down by this time. As we start a new episode, Soobin must be able to sense how tired I am. He gently grabs my shoulder and pulls me down to lay my head on his lap. He slowly runs his fingers through my hair, turning his attention back to the TV. I drift away like this, laying comfortably across the lap of the person I love.

* * *

Night 5

This time, all my senses come crashing down on me at once, choking me. The smell of smoke, the taste of blood, the sound of yelling, the sight of the bright light, the feeling of pain in the back of my neck. It takes me less than a moment to know exactly where I am, what’s going on. I feel it, the determination, the urgency to finally free us, and now I know how. I throw myself up off the floor, grabbing the faceless boy to avoid swaying from the sudden movement, faintly feeling the blood on his hands. “Woah, hang on Gyu. Are you okay?” I gasp, “Come on, let’s go, we have to hurry.” He nods, starting to pull me in the same direction, but I stop him and pull him back, “No, this way.” He sounds a little panicked now, “No Gyu, that’s the way we came from, they’re back that way.” I shake my head, “Please, trust me. If we keep going forward, we’ll get trapped, we’ll die. We have to run back the way we came. It’s the only way to get out.”

He must think I’m insane, that it’ll never work, but I’m determined to save us both. I won’t let him run to his death just like every other night for the past two months. Because now, I know that I can save him too, I know there’s a way, I just need him to believe me. “Please,” I say again as he hesitates, “You always ask me to trust you. Every single time, you’re the one to promise me that we’ll make it. But this time, I’ll be the one to do it. I  _ promise _ you, that if you follow me, we can both make it out of here alive.” Finally, he nods, and I turn and pull him along. We’re running through a maze again, but this time we’re going backwards. This time, instead of trying hopelessly to find the exit, only to end up in a dead end, this time we’re escaping through the entrance of the maze.

This time, as we run through the halls, the walls begin to turn darker, the lights become less and less intense, and I know that we’re going the right way. This time, the voices chasing us are more distant, more far away. They’re following us to a place we’re not going. This time, we turn the corner and see the doors, but this time, they don’t lead to false hope. Instead of the bright sunshine, the outside of the doors is dark. Of course it is, I should have realized sooner. Why would we run towards the sunlight thinking it could save us when we were running in the night? This time, when I throw myself at the door, it bursts open, and I gasp in the taste of fresh air. We stumble outside into the night. I pull the boy forward to find a place to hide in the darkness, but suddenly he stops. I turn to him, only to find him falling into me.

I collapse with the boy’s weight in my arms. Something is wrong, we made it out, but he’s dying. Why? I can save him, there’s a way I can save him, but I can’t think of what it is, because my mind is frozen in place, as my eyes land on his face, his features that finally come into focus right before my eyes. I stare in horror as I watch the life drain from his eyes, his lips forming a word I can make out, even though he makes no sound. It’s my name, I think, he’s trying to call my name, he’s begging for me to save him, he must be. I can save him. Yet no part of me can move, not when I recognize this face, this beautiful, pale lifeless face, that just earlier held light and happiness, now devoid of anything. This face, the face of someone that meant the world to me, someone I could have saved, but failed to, just like always.

_ Soobin. _

I throw myself up. Soobin, where is he? I have to save him. I’m in my bedroom now, instead of laying with my head across his lap. He must have brought me here. The sun is beginning to rise, but I pay it no attention. I rush out the door as fast as possible, run down the stairs desperately. I land at the bottom and rush into the living room, before stopping in my tracks. There he is, Soobin, being held with a gun to his head by a man in a white lab coat. I can save him, I remember how. And I’m about to, when I feel a sudden prick in my neck, and like the flick of a wrist, I fade away, my vision turning dark. But this darkness isn’t welcoming, for the first time, this darkness is dangerous, this darkness will be the end of me.

* * *

The light greets me when I awaken. It’s awful, so bright, and I feel like it’s going to give me a headache. As I slowly sit up, Soobin’s face appears in my vision. He looks worried, but when I meet his eyes, a relieved look falls across his face. He looks like he wants to come over and help me, but he doesn’t. After a moment, I realize it’s because there’s a glass wall separating us. I suddenly gasp, looking around in panic. No, no, no no no,  _ no _ . this can’t possibly be happening. In my panic, I don’t even realize the field of sparks that begin to surround me, to rise up around me as I lift myself off the ground only to stumble, falling back into what must be a wall. I don’t realize until I hear Soobin’s voice, calling my name. I gasp again, finally being brought to reality, but all too fast. Instead of the sparks slowly shrinking and dying down, they slam down all at once, shaking the ground, and sending little tinier sparks all across the room.

Soobin scrambles back from the glass wall. I realize for the first time that it has many small holes in it, which is how I could hear him. He looks at me, wide-eyed. His gentle voice grounds me from my panic, “Gyu? Beomgyu? Are you okay? What the Hell was that?” “I-” I try using my voice, but it comes out all wrong, rough and painful to push out. I take a breath and then try again, quieter this time, “Hyung, where are we?” He still seems concerned, especially after what happened, but he must sense the fear in my voice. He walks up to the glass wall, trying to get as close to me as possible. “I don’t really know. These people, they showed up at your house. They knocked you out with something. And then they took us away. I don’t know why they left me awake.”  _ I do _ , I think, feeling sick. They left him awake because they don’t think he’s a threat. They left him awake because they knew there was nothing he could do to escape even if he tried.

I look around the room for a way of here, barely spotting it, but Soobin’s voice forces me to turn back to him, “You know why we’re here, don’t you?” I stare at him for a moment, before I nod slowly, “They want me for what I can do.” I raise one hand slowly, staring at it as the sparks start flying from my fingertips. They should hurt me, I shouldn’t be able to hold them like this, but I can. I can do so much more. I look back up at Soobin. He’s staring at me with wide eyes, and I look away. He’s afraid of me. This is the moment I lose him. But yet again, his voice forces my eyes back to him, “Gyu...that’s amazing. You’re amazing.” I stare at him in shock. For the first time, it feels like I can read the look in his eyes, the way he’s looking at me. He’s looking at me with love, so much love, that I’m almost overwhelmed.

Instead, it just makes me more determined to get us out of here. I walk up to my side of the clear wall that separates us, and study it for a second. Soobin watches me. Finally I look back up at him, asking, “This is glass, right? Not plastic?” He also studies it for a moment before nodding, “I think so, yeah.” I grin, “Perfect.” He looks confused as I turn back and grab the white chair in the corner of my room, the only thing in here. It’s painted wood, not metal, but I don’t need it to be. I carry it back to the glass wall. “Move back,” I warn, and when I’m sure he’s a safe distance away, I lift the chair up and slam it into the wall, shattering the glass instantly. Almost as soon as the pieces settle on the floor, Soobin rushes towards me, wrapping his arms tightly around me, kissing my head.

For the first time, I break down a little, the tears flowing down my face as I sob into him. But we can’t just stand here, we have to go now, while we have the chance. Reluctantly, I pull out of his embrace and grab his hand, tugging him to the corner of my room where I saw it, the small hole. I crouch down and look into the hole, grinning when I spy something metal. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s exactly what I need. I tell Soobin to stand back again. Then, without a moment to spare, I let the sparks fly from my fingers, flowing through the hole in the wall to the metal object on the other side.

For a moment, nothing happens. And then, the wall explodes. We stare at it for a second, but as soon as the dust settles, I grab Soobin’s hand and pull him through the now gaping hole in the wall. Now we’re in a hallway, a long, bright hallway, with blinding white lights lining it the whole way. Suddenly, I feel light-headed. I stumble forward, pulling my hand from Soobin’s grasp, and fall forward to the ground. It comes to me a little too late, the realization that I’ve used too much of my energy. It comes to me as the familiar darkness wraps around me, trying desperately to give me safety.

* * *

Day 1

My senses crash down on me all at once. It should be a familiar feeling by now, but still I’m overwhelmed. Yet unlike all the other times,  _ this time _ , I know what each sensation is. The smell of smoke is from the explosion I created. The throbbing in my head is from using up all my energy. The bright light is from the horrendously bright white lights lining the walls of the hall I’m laying in. the blood I can taste in my mouth is from when I passed out and fell. The voice calling out to me is Soobin’s.  _ Soobin _ .

My eyes fly open. Not even the blinding light can make me close them again, not when everything comes back to me. The same thing from every single night for the past two months, this is how it always starts. But this is different, because now, now there’s no faceless boy staring down at me. Instead, it’s Soobin, someone that I recognize, someone that I  _ love _ . And I’m about to watch him die, the same way I have been for the past two months. I stare up at him, unable to move, even though I, of all people, should know that waiting around right now is the last thing I should do. “Gyu? Gyu come on, get up, we have to hurry.” He pulls me up and tries to run forward, but my hand slips from his. He looks at me, worry, confusion, and fear all written across his face.

“I-” I take a breath to steady myself before speaking again, “We won’t make it.” “What do you mean?” he asks, walking back to me and taking my hands. I feel it again, the blood on his hands. I finally realize that it’s mine. My hand moves my shoulder, and pulls away crimson. For the first time, I feel the pain of a wound I didn’t know I had. He takes my hand back, holding it firmly, but speaking gently, “Beomgyu, what do you mean, we won’t make it?” I take a deep breath, speaking slowly, “This moment, I’ve relived it, time and time again, in my dreams. This moment of us trying to escape. We get so close every single time, but-” I cut off, the words getting caught in my throat. “But?” Soobin prods. I stare at him for a moment longer, barely choking out the words, “But every single time, we fail. Every single time, you die.”

He throws his arms around me, whispering comforting words. But the urgency is still there, so he pulls away quickly, grasping my hands again, “Gyu, I promise you, I fucking promise you, that we  _ will _ make it out of here.” I shake my head, “You promise every time. Every time except the last time. The last time, I was the one that promised it. We did, we made it, we got out. But you still died. I could’ve saved you but I failed.” He cups my face in his hands. I don’t mind the blood, at this point it’s everywhere. He takes a breath before he speaks, “I know that we’ve never made it out in your dreams. But this isn’t a dream anymore. This is reality. Here, I’m really here, I can really help you. So let me. You said that we’ve been through this so many times, and we only made it the last time. What did we do differently the last time?”

I suck in a breath, “Every other time, we would run away from the way we came. Logically enough, since they were chasing us. But the exit we were running to was fake, it wasn’t the real exit. Last time, instead of running forward, we ran backwards. That’s where the real exit was.” Soobin nods. We both turn to the way we came and begin to run in that direction, but this time, neither of us is leading the other. This time, we’re running alongside each other, both pulling each other and ourselves along. It’s still a maze, but now, it’s a maze that I know how to navigate. We run into the darkness for what seems like forever, but finally, we round the corner and see the door. It’s beginning to turn dark outside. We’ve been here all day. We burst out the door. This time, I don’t try to drag Soobin into the forest. This time, I’m ready when he collapses. But I’m still not ready for the look on his face, as his life drains away. Still I don’t understand what it is that’s killing him. But this time, when he tries to speak, I hear it, the words he whispers to me, “I love you…” It’s the only push I need to remember what I need to do. How to save him. I grab his shoulders. I meet his eyes as they begin to fade, and I whisper, “I’m sorry,” right before letting the sparks flow from my fingers. He screams, and I pull back. Before me, he lays on the ground, gasping for air. I feel sick, I’ve hurt him. But he’s alive. He’s  _ alive _ . I let out the breath I didn’t know what I was holding. I help Soobin to stand, and then we rush into the woods, hiding in the dark trees, because now, the sun has set, and now, the darkness will protect us, just like always. Now, we’re safe. We won. At last.


End file.
